The Ladybird Incident

What is the most evil creature in the garden? Okay, I think we established last month that it's the wasp. But what's the SECOND most evil creature? The answer, as it turns out, is the aphid. Small and innocuous, almost invisible to the naked eye, tiny aphids suck the life out of your plants, multiply like rabbits and can eventually kill even large plants.

(From Wesley's blog http://wesleyjohnston.blogspot.com)

This is not an academic observation, for we have a house plant (yes, an INDOOR plant) that has become infested with aphids. We have had the plant so long that we don't even know what it is, but this once-thriving plant has been a shadow of its former self for many months. Two simple home remedies were suggested to us, and both were tried and failed. The first involved the rather crude and messy approach of running your fingers down the stem, squishing the little blighters. But a pair always manages to survive, and then in Adam-and-Eve style repopulates the plant within days. The second approach involves spraying the plant with a mixture of water and detergent. This causes them to die and fall off. But, again, one or two always survive....

We searched in desperation for a third option. SURELY in our scientific age there has got to be a solution, we thought. And a third option we did find! It turns out that ladybirds love nothing more than to tuck into a nice meal of aphids. Mmmm. Put a few ladybirds on the plant, sit back and watch the aphid massacre! Haha!

The only snag is how to obtain said ladybirds. Ladybirds are not exactly common in our area of Belfast, and those that there are have the rather annoying and selfish characteristic of attempting to evade capture by flying away.

And so we turned in desperation to a shop called Gardening Naturally. They will actually sell you (wait for it) ladybird larvae that you can put on the plant. Ladybird larvae (apparently) love aphids almost as much as their parents do. So I sent off my £20 and a week later received a little package with the rather disconcerting message "Live Contents" stamped on the outside. Inside the parcel was a little plastic box containing five live ladybird larvae, and about twenty dead ones. Feeling that 80% mortality was a little steep even for insects, I contacted the shop. They weren't sure what happened, but after conducting some research it seems that ladybird larvae are actually cannibalistic and will eat each other if stressed. Flying from England to Northern Ireland in an unpressured aeroplane cargo hold MAY qualify as stressful. But we will never know what went on during that flight.

Anyway, I put the five surviving larvae on the plant. While they did eat some aphids, they really were just too little to make much impact. I mean this plant has about 500 aphids on it, and these guys were eating about one a day. Just not up to the task, I'm afraid.

Fortunately, Gardening Naturally came to my aid! To apologise for the deceased larvae, they offered to send me 25 ADULT ladybirds. So another package of "Live Contents" arrived, and this time found 25 live ladybirds in a little box along with about 20 cheerios! It seems ladybirds love cheerios as well as aphids. It's amazing what you learn! 25 ladybirds was far too many for one plant, so I put 4 or 5 onto the plant and released the rest in the garden. Then I sat back to watch.

The first ladybird was put straight onto the middle of a leaf that had about ten aphids already on it, happily sucking sap out of the leaf. The ladybird stood still for a few moments. The aphids all stood still as well - did they recognise what the ladybird was? You could hear the sounds of a "western"-style gun stand off. Then, one of the aphids seemed to fire a starting pistol and they scattered in all directions. But the ladybird was too quick and it ran after one of them, caught it and seized it with its pincers! Never have I witnessed the carnage of the insect world at such close range. After about five minutes the ladybird seemed to finish whatever it was ladybirds do to aphids, and it simply dropped it off the plant. Yikes.

Over the next few days I would come down and check the plant. Each day there were fewer aphids, while the ladybirds were looking a little plumper. And today, just ten days, on I was unable to find a SINGLE aphids on my plant! Hurrah! The ladybirds, having eaten everything on the plant have now disappeared too. I found one on the window and released it into the garden. The remaining ones... who knows? Perhaps I'll wake up in the middle of the night and find a giant ladybird in my room!

Anyway, let's hear it for natural gardening remedies!

And perhaps the other conclusion is that ladybirds are probably even move evil than aphids...

The Wasp Incident

Well it had to happen sooner or later.... yesterday I joined the ranks of Those Who Have Been Stung By Wasps. My memory of the event is a little hazy, but as there is at least one salutory lesson in the whole sorry saga, I thought I'd share it.

I recently become conscious of my sedentary lifestyle by reading about research that took place over ten years. It said that on average you can live 14 years longer by (1) eating more fruit and veg (2) not smoking (3) not drinking alcohol to excess and (4) taking regular exercise. Of these, 2 and 3 sort themselves out very nicely. Number 1 was slightly harder, but still is not a huge sacrifice, so I can now say that is also imlpemented. Number 4 is the tricky one, seeing as my work and my spare time is usually spent sitting in front of a computer or on the sofa.

My wife suggested that (4) could be implemented in part by some hard work in the garden, which I thought was an excellent idea. So on Wednesday night, fortified with some dinner, I headed out into the garden armed with spade, gardening gloves and bucket. Job #1 was to clear the ivy out of the hedge. Our neighbours have lots of ivy which tends to grow into the hedge and needs pulled out regularly to avoid it choking the hedge. Having spent Wednesday evening researching wasps, I NOW know that this is exactly the sort of place that hibernating wasps love to hang out at this time of year. I also know that if there's one thing that really annoys hibernating wasps its people reaching in and yanking out undergrowth. Anyhow....

So there I am down on all fours pulling ivy out of the hedge when I see a movement, hear a buzzing near my ear and then feel a sharp pain, like getting an injection, just above my left eye. Instinctively (and stupidly) I slap myself on the face, feel an ever sorer sharp pain, look at my hand to see a dead wasp on the palm of my hand!

By now my mind, having been subjected to 7 years of primary education, 7 years of secondary education, 4 years of graduate education and 3 years of postgraduate education has concluded that "I have just been stung by a wasp". First thing that needs done in this situation is to seek out sympathy, and medical attention. Thankfully for me I can get both from my darling wife. Of course, having a doctor for a wife also means that you get the cold reality of modern medicine, rather than the more comforting ineffective-but-placebo-type home remedies. She looks at the sting, by now swelling noticeably, and says "well, you're not allergic to wasp stings". Mmm... small relief I guess. Second thing "at least it didn't sting Grace [our 4 month old daugher]". That's a much bigger relief, actually! I say (helpfully) "do you put bicarb of soda on wasp stings?", but no, apparently that's an old wives tale for which there is no medical evidence in support. So I get a lump of ice wrapped up in a cloth.

Armed with my ice, and calming down a bit, I go out to find the dead wasp, just to satisfy myself that it really is dead (which it is). The whole episode has taught me lots of lessons:

1) Do not rummage in deep undergrowth in June.

2) Wasps are spiteful, impatient, grumpy insects.

3) Wasp stings hurt a LOT, although not quite as much as I had imagined.

4) Bicarb of soda is ineffective on wasp stings.

5) You look ridiculous with a swollen eyebrow.

6) It's hard to sleep with a wasp sting throbbing away.

7) Wasp stings still hurt 18 hours after the event.

8) Revenge is sweet.