I recently become conscious of my sedentary lifestyle by reading about research that took place over ten years. It said that on average you can live 14 years longer by (1) eating more fruit and veg (2) not smoking (3) not drinking alcohol to excess and (4) taking regular exercise. Of these, 2 and 3 sort themselves out very nicely. Number 1 was slightly harder, but still is not a huge sacrifice, so I can now say that is also imlpemented. Number 4 is the tricky one, seeing as my work and my spare time is usually spent sitting in front of a computer or on the sofa.
My wife suggested that (4) could be implemented in part by some hard work in the garden, which I thought was an excellent idea. So on Wednesday night, fortified with some dinner, I headed out into the garden armed with spade, gardening gloves and bucket. Job #1 was to clear the ivy out of the hedge. Our neighbours have lots of ivy which tends to grow into the hedge and needs pulled out regularly to avoid it choking the hedge. Having spent Wednesday evening researching wasps, I NOW know that this is exactly the sort of place that hibernating wasps love to hang out at this time of year. I also know that if there's one thing that really annoys hibernating wasps its people reaching in and yanking out undergrowth. Anyhow....
So there I am down on all fours pulling ivy out of the hedge when I see a movement, hear a buzzing near my ear and then feel a sharp pain, like getting an injection, just above my left eye. Instinctively (and stupidly) I slap myself on the face, feel an ever sorer sharp pain, look at my hand to see a dead wasp on the palm of my hand!
By now my mind, having been subjected to 7 years of primary education, 7 years of secondary education, 4 years of graduate education and 3 years of postgraduate education has concluded that "I have just been stung by a wasp". First thing that needs done in this situation is to seek out sympathy, and medical attention. Thankfully for me I can get both from my darling wife. Of course, having a doctor for a wife also means that you get the cold reality of modern medicine, rather than the more comforting ineffective-but-placebo-type home remedies. She looks at the sting, by now swelling noticeably, and says "well, you're not allergic to wasp stings". Mmm... small relief I guess. Second thing "at least it didn't sting Grace [our 4 month old daugher]". That's a much bigger relief, actually! I say (helpfully) "do you put bicarb of soda on wasp stings?", but no, apparently that's an old wives tale for which there is no medical evidence in support. So I get a lump of ice wrapped up in a cloth.
Armed with my ice, and calming down a bit, I go out to find the dead wasp, just to satisfy myself that it really is dead (which it is). The whole episode has taught me lots of lessons:
1) Do not rummage in deep undergrowth in June.
2) Wasps are spiteful, impatient, grumpy insects.
3) Wasp stings hurt a LOT, although not quite as much as I had imagined.
4) Bicarb of soda is ineffective on wasp stings.
5) You look ridiculous with a swollen eyebrow.
6) It's hard to sleep with a wasp sting throbbing away.
7) Wasp stings still hurt 18 hours after the event.
8) Revenge is sweet.
Oh dear. This is not good. Has the swelling gone down yet? I thought you were meant to put vinegar on wasp stings? Not sure whether it works, but it makes you smell of vinegar, so everyone will ask why, and then you can tell them about the wasp, and you get sympathy, which is the main thing.
ReplyDeleteI can never remember whether it's vinegar/bicarb for wasps/bees. Since the consequences of getting them mixed up are potentially very painful, it's perhaps better not to bother unless you're 100% sure.
ReplyDeleteWikipedia (which must be worshipped) says "neutralizing a sting is unlikely to be effective as the venom is injected under the skin and deep into the tissues, where a topically applied alkali is unable to reach, so neutralization is unlikely to occur.[5] In any case, the amount of venom injected is typically very small (between 5 and 50 micrograms of fluid) and placing large amounts of alkali near the sting site is unlikely to produce a perfectly neutral pH to stop the pain.[5] Many people do claim benefit from these home remedies but it is doubtful they have any real physical effect on how much a sting hurts or continues hurting, the effect is probably related to rubbing the area or the mind perceiving benefit".
Beautiful recall sir.
ReplyDeleteHope the eye is better.
I was dive bombed last week by a bee that my trailing leg had maliciously swiped off a bush in my driveway as I happily rode my bike ... thankfully hair of the lat-fuzz variety seemed to keep it off my skull, the journey through the mass of mesh seems to have saved me ...
phew.
Close one jools. At least with a bee you have the satisfaction of knowing that it will die as a result of the sting. With wasps if you don't get them straight away they're gone... and off regaling the rest of the hive with the hilarious tale!
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